I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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