I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
