Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
