So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
