it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
