she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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