i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
