if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
