He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
