yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
