so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
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