we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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