I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm just crazy horny about you
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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