She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
