just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
