god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
