bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
