If that was your dad, he is hot
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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