conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
