She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
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