we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
