Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize