we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
