The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
