I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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