I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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