Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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