3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
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