I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
