Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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