I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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