How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
