dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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