We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
