I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize
