Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
