I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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