i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
