the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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