I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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