he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
