I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
