mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
