do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
