A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
