id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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