The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
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