a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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