I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize