You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
