Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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