I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
