the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
you would pick up someone in the library
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
