We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
