I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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