my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
