In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize