i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
