That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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