The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
