Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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