forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Randomize
