She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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