I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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