When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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