i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
