I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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